I'm in The Virginia Gazette today! Yippee!
Come out to see us tomorrow!
(Thanks again to Chris Krehbiel for the photo!)
Look who's in this weekend's newspaper! If you'll be in Willamsburg, come out and see us!
Hiding From Reality
An ironic title for a Reality television star, Hiding From Reality details the physically and verbally abusive marriage of Taylor Armstrong, one of the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills“. There’s a lot of scandal surrounding Taylor Armstrong (Scandal around a “Real” Housewife? No!) and her book – many people feel that although Real Housewives was strongly hinting – and some cast members were outright saying that – Taylor was being physically abused by her husband Russell, when he committed suicide she shouldn’t have published such a public memoir about her story. Publish it she did, and according to the show and to the book, her deceased husband Russell was far from the ideal husband that was portrayed initially.
If you’ve been reading my blog, you know that abuse is a very personal issue for me.
No one in my circle is personally acquainted with any of the Real Housewives or their husbands. I bet you don’t know them, either. You probably have an opinion about them, though.
Since I don’t know these people, what I’m about to say is pure speculation:’ I think this man’s suicide was a move of cowardice to preserve his reputation, which was already tarnishing rapidly, under the assumption that no one would speak out once he had gone. He realized that the damage done to his public image wasn’t something he could repair.
For a victim, though, it’s important to speak out about your time being abused as part of your own healing process. and for a mother, it’s incredibly important to make sure that your child receives the right message about what is and is not acceptable in a relationship. So, so many women never leave an abusive situation and never speak out about it at all; this particular woman was left by her abuser before she had a chance to go through all of the processes of healing, which added grief to the litany of other wounds this man apparently caused.
When I read the book, I wasn’t expecting much. Reality television show stars aren’t typically known for their writing abilities or their mental health expertise. Anyway, I overlooked the caustic reviews and read the thing, and it actually wasn’t bad. It reads like a tell-all version of every self-help cycle of abuse book published.
- “Even though he had just been physically violent with me for the first time in our relationship, I wanted nothing more than to be close to him.”
- “All he needs is unconditional love, and eventually he will soften. Eventually he will change.”
- “I was living under the myth that if I controlled Russell’s surroundings, I could keep him under control.”
- “I had always been able to partly justify my inability to leave our abusive marriage with the fact that Russell had never exhibited the worst of his anger in front of Kennedy. I still thought it was better for her to live with any imperfect father than no father at all. I know that some people might have difficulty believing that I truly did not think Kennedy was in danger…”
- “Russell was not happy, overall, with the medication’s effect on him. He told me that it made him feel numb, and he worried that it took off his edge.”
To me, the story all sounds completely believable, because I lived something similar. Again, I don’t know this woman, but I don’t think the book deserves all of the negative publicity it’s gotten. Look how many other reality television stars have leveraged their fifteen minutes of fame to start clothing lines or launch other careers; this woman is using her fame (or notoriety) as a platform to speak out against abuse. I refuse to find fault with that.
If you’re interested in reading, you can get your copy of Hiding From Reality here.
NOTE: I purchased this book for my own personal gratification, and I didn’t receive any compensation from writing my review. However, if you choose to purchase the book through my link, I’ll make a few cents on the sale (and thank you for that, really – every little bit helps.)
I’m a firm believer in serendipity.
Today, a dear friend and I went out meet her ex so that he could -not spend time with their son- pick up a kitten from a recent litter belonging to her cat. 90 minutes of driving resulted in the cat howling in their truck with no carrier for four hours while he ignored his son for as many. It all seemed familiar. It’s all about him, I thought. On the way back, this song came on the radio, and we sang along together while our sons in the backseat asked if the band was the Beatles or the Rolling Stones.
Apropos.
I saw the sign
No one’s gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong…
But where do you belong?
I saw the sign and it opened up my mind!
And I am happy now living without you
I’ve left you, oh-oh-OH!
Someone please buy me this house.
It’s only three thousand dollars, and it is AMAZING. I want to move in immediately.
Of Counts and Countesses
Tonight I went to see The Marriage of Figaro with a very dear friend of mine, and it was a wonderful experience. The cast was fantastic, the company was great, and the subject matter of the show made me do a lot of shuffling in my seat. The entire show is about love and its intricacies in relationships, and this particular cast even has a sweet background romance in its midst: Figaro (Matthew Burns) and his love, Susanna (Anne-Carolyn Bird), are married in real life, having met playing these roles. As in most epic tales, there’s a juxtaposition between the healthy but circumstantially thwarted love of Figaro and Susanna, the servants of the Count and Countess, and that of the Count and Countess themselves.
The libretto from 1786, courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.
It’s been a while since I’ve heard Figaro, and I’ve never seen it live before. As amazing as it was, it was also uncomfortable, because the philandering Count and his embittered, codependent Countess made me cringe. In the third act, the Countess laments her husband’s cruel treatment of her, and the loss of the happiness in their marriage. Maybe I could fix it all, she decides. And she does. Because it’s fiction.
Jane Bishop did a translation of the aria here:
Dove sono i bei moment
Di dolcezza e di piacer?
Dove andaro i giuramenti
Di quel labbro menzogner?
Perchè mai, se in pianti e in pene
Per me tutto si cangiò,
La memoria di quel bene
Dal mio sen non trapassò?
Ah! se almen la mia costanza,
Nel languire amando ognor,
Mi portasse una speranza
Di cangiar l’ingrato cor!
Where are the lovely moments
Of sweetness and pleasure?
Where have the promises gone
That came from those lying lips?
Why, if all is changed for me
Into tears and pain,
Has the memory of that goodness
Not vanished from my breast?
Ah! if only, at least, my faithfulness,
Which still loves amidst its suffering,
Could bring me the hope
Of changing that ungrateful heart!
The drive home was a quiet one, with lots of pondering.
Dinner pre-show with my friend The New Yorker
On Marriage, by Kahlil Gibran
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
