I found this in the back of a local furniture store today, but the person working wouldn’t put a price on the item. Apparently, she’s slated for sale on etsy. My new mission in life is to find that listing…
Author Archives: literatelibran
“Every World Needs Love”: an interview with erotic romance author Elizabeth L. Brooks
Elizabeth Brooks is a vivacious person with twinkling blue eyes and an anecdote for every occasion. When I learned she was a published “erotic romance” author, I was delighted – and nervous. I read some of her work, and enjoyed it almost as much as I enjoyed talking to her – review to follow soon!
How did you get started writing?
“Started” is such a nebulous verb… Somewhere in a box at home, I have a story I wrote when I was about five years old about a reindeer and a snowman, complete with a construction paper cover and barely recognizable pictures. I wrote about half of a poorly-planned mystery/horror story when I was in middle school called “Bangle Hills Manor,” mostly because I really liked the title and needed a story to go with it. In high school, I wrote an angst-laden short story that thinly disguised myself and my friends in a post-apocalyptic setting and (probably all too clearly) outlined the way I *wished* That Guy would ask me out. I showed it to another friend, who demanded to know What Happens Next. We expanded it into a novella-length story in which the writing was only barely eclipsed in horribleness by the truly glurge-y plot.
I dabbled with poetry for a few years (ah, teenage angst) and eventually came back to prose in college, when I amused myself and friends by writing background stories for my favorite characters in the role-playing games I was playing. These got *slightly* less awful over time, and in my late 20s and early 30s, a dear friend and I collaborated on what, over several years, turned into a 300,000 word novel. (For reference, a small novel is usually around 50,000 words, and the average paperback is probably about 100,000 words or so.) It was never published — it can’t decide if it’s a romance or an adventure story, and thus is currently unmarketable — but it helped me solidify the world in which “Safe Harbor” is set, and it was the first project I’d finished that I thought might actually approach publishable material.
Then I had kids, and that kept me too busy to write much for several more years. So I didn’t get around to writing anything actually suitable for submission until my late 30s. Since then, I’ve managed a novella a year, plus a short story or two here and there. I’m not a fast or prolific writer, but I’m usually pretty pleased with the results.
Why erotica?
To be fair, most of my publications aren’t strictly erotica; they’re erotic romances. I think the “romance” tag is important — I’m not just writing about sex, but about the physical expression of love and affection. A lot of erotica is missing that emotional element, and I personally find it much less enjoyable and arousing as a result.
As to the why… I guess I never entirely got over that teenage glurge stage. I love a good romance — I love feeling the power of yearning, and I love that moment when the despair of loneliness is transformed into hope and joy. I include the sex scenes because oftentimes, the characters express themselves more truly (if wordlessly) in the midst of passion than they ever can during any other waking moment. And because — let us be honest — it’s fun.
Every story I write is an easier and more certain way for me to fulfill my jones for a really satisfying romance than actually having to experience it… and less likely to get me in trouble with my husband, as well!
What influenced your decision to work with a publisher that only offers ebooks?
To be fair, Torquere Press offers print books as well, but only for anthologies and novel-length works, which so far I haven’t written. But I can tell you exactly why I chose to submit to them. I follow a ridiculous number of webcomics, and I particularly like the ones that tell good stories with engaging characters. One link or another led me to Friendly Hostility by K. Sandra Fuhr. I devoured all of it, and then sought out the previous comic that had spawned it, Boy Meets Boy, and devoured that, too. I’m still a fervent fan of all her projects, and while Friendly Hostility was active, I was an occasional participant in its LiveJournal community. When Sandra announced that she was publishing a trio of stories with Torquere Press, I jumped on them eagerly. They’re still some of my favorite re-reads, even though they’re now out of print, and until that moment, I hadn’t been aware of any publishers remotely like Torquere. So when I wrote “Of One Mind” and a friend told me that it was good enough to publish, it didn’t take me long to decide to try them first, and I was lucky enough that it was accepted.
(A note for the curious: “torquere” is Latin for “twisted”, and it’s pronounced “tor-CARE-ay”.)
Where do you find your inspiration for your characters?
It varies. The “Of One Mind” characters just materialized in my head when I started playing with the concepts that constructed the world. Jody from “Of Sound Mind” was inspired by a particular photo of the actor Keith Hamilton Cobb. Rafe and Tyver from “Safe Harbor” are reincarnations of a pair of thieves from an RPG I used to play. Everything is grist for the mill, as the saying goes.
Do you have a favorite project out of the ones you’ve worked on so far?
I have to say “Safe Harbor” is my favorite book so far. I think it’s got a stronger story and tighter writing than anything else I’ve done. But the scene between Calis and Jereth in the clothing store in “Of One Mind” is probably my favorite single scene in anything I’ve published.
What can your fans expect to see next?The next thing I know for certain is coming out is a story called “Assumption of Desire”. Unlike my previous stuff, which was all sci-fi or fantasy, this is a contemporary piece. It was inspired by a young man I met while I was at a GLBT Pride festival in Roanoke, VA this past fall. “Assumption” is currently scheduled for release from Torquere in March.
I also have two short stories out for consideration; both of those are for themed anthologies, one about succubi and one about the military. They’re both a departure from my other work in that they’re heterosexual, and the succubus one is erotic horror instead of romance. I haven’t heard back on either one yet; but watch my blog for news!
Which authors have you found most influential over the course of your own life?
I’m such a voracious reader, it’s hard to narrow it down to a core list. My earliest influence is probably Mercedes Lackey’s “Magic’s Pawn” series — they were the first books I’d read with gay main characters who got to have satisfying and fulfilling relationships, and I was surprised by my own strong response to that emotion. Sharon Lee and Steve Miller’s Liaden books have been a huge influence on my writing style. I’m also a big fan of Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkosigan series. For erotic influence, I have to admit to A. N. Roquelaure (a.k.a. Anne Rice)’s Sleeping Beauty trilogy. (Yes, I like series.) And finally, I’ve learned an incredible amount about the art of storytelling from the works of Neil Gaiman.
Least Favorite author?
James Joyce. I’m aware that the whole stream-of-consciousness style he pioneered was a thrilling experiment in storytelling, but it makes me crazy because the narrator’s mind jumps in completely different ways than my own, so I always find myself lost for whole pages before I figure out what’s going on again. I still have no idea what the heck happened in “Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.”
I’ve been told that not everything he wrote was like that and that I should give some of his other works a try, but let’s be honest… There are thousands of worthy authors out there and there is no possible way to read *everything* that I could want to read in my life. So outside of a classroom requirement, is there any reason I should re-read an author I’ve tried and didn’t care for when there are so many other options on my plate?
What color are your socks right now?
They’re green, with light blue starfish.
*
Stay tuned for my take on Safe Harbor, along with a giveaway of a variety of Elizabeth L. Brooks related swag- including a signed print-out of Liz’s e-book, Of Sound Mind. (Can’t wait to see more of Liz’s writing? You can download Of Sound Mind for free on Goodreads, or throw money at Liz here.)
New Series: Friday Fanatics. Meet Jack Fellure, the Presidential Nominee of the Prohibition Party (Yes, really.)
Welcome to the newest series on Literate Libran: Friday Fanatics. As I mentioned in a previous post, America hosts a sizable Radical Right subculture. This day’s posts will be solely dedicated to the bizarre religious nut-jobs that horrify and entertain the rest of us. Today’s post was found courtesy of Darrell Dow, the author of Stuff Fundies Like (Stay tuned for an interview with him coming soon).
Behold, I bring you Jack Fellure, Radical Extraordinaire – and Presidential Nominee of the Prohibition Party (Yes, it really exists). All you need to do to enjoy his crazy antics is to access his website here, or merely read below. Bear with me; he’s wordy, but the entertainment value is well worth the time. 
The following text was all taken from his campaign website:
Why You Should Vote For Jack Fellure For President of the United States 2012
“My Presidential Campaign Platform is the Authorized 1611 King James Bible. God Almighty wrote that Book as the supreme constitution and absolute authority in the affairs of all men for all time and eternity. It shall never be necessary to change it.
Quality leather bound copies of this Bible have been sent to the Presidential Office, the Supreme Court, the Senate, the House of Representatives, the National Republican Party, the National Democratic Party, and the Federal Election Commission.
Should I be elected to the Presidency, this Bible will be open on the desk in the White House Oval Office to Psalm 33:12, “BLESSED IS THE NATION WHOSE GOD IS THE LORD”, and also to II Samuel 23:3, “HE THAT RULETH OVER MEN MUST BE JUST, RULING IN THE FEAR OF GOD”. It shall never be closed during my tenure. I will take the inauguration oath of office with my hand on my Bible opened to Deuteronomy 28.
God Almighty, the creator and Holy Sovereign of the universe, ordained only three institutions on earth; the family, the church, and the civil government. He wrote one Book (the Holy Bible) to govern all three, making them equally responsible to that one supreme book of law.
Every basic truth and fundamental philosophy required for proper survival here and hereafter is contained in the Holy Bible. IT’S THE GREATEST SINGLE BOOK EVER WRITTEN ON HUMAN GOVERNMENT, and upon its precepts our nation was conceived, born and nurtured to become the greatest nation in the history of the human race. WE ARE NOW REJECTING THAT BOOK AND THOSE PRECEPTS.
Therein lies the eternal cardinal truth of why our nation continues to decay and deteriorate, morally and physically. Every failed civilization in recorded history rejected God’s moral laws first, and then collapsed physically. God will allow ours to be no different. We as a nation will either return to the Bible for divine direction or continue our human self-destruction. God provides no other alternatives. All men shall ultimately stand before a high tribunal to be judged by God and His Book with no court of appeals ever.
I encourage everyone to RETAIN, USE, AND DISTRIBUTE MY WRITINGS AND POSITION PAPERS FROM THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGNS (1988 to 2012). THEY ARE ALL AS APPLICABLE NOW AS BEFORE. I haven’t shifted positions or altered course one iota. I never intend to, so help me God.
Yours for a nation under the authority of Almighty God, Jack Fellure United States Presidential Candidate 2012”
JACK FELLURE IS :
For : A National Return to reading God’s Book, the Holy Bible. This includes teaching the true Christian history and heritage of our nation in the public schools. It also includes bringing voluntary prayer and Bible reading back into the public schools.
Against : Abortion, and especially paying for abortions with government funding.
For : Leaders whose decisions are governed by what’s right or wrong rather than what is politically expedient.
Against : The Liquor Industry which is a detriment to our nation. Alcohol is America’s number one drug problem.
For : Balancing the Federal Budget. The Government must quit spending more than its income.
Against : Continuing to permit criminals to go unpunished.
For : Making Homosexuality illegal. This will stop much of the AIDS plague.
Against : Allowing Anti-American organizations, such as the American Civil Liberties Union and the Communist Party to continue their destruction of this nation.
For : Making Prisons into places of punishment instead of leisure.
Against : Moving our jobs and industrial production to foreign nations.
For : Capital Punishment. God Almighty mandated it.
Against : Every movement, effort, and person that would remove God from our national currency and declarations.
For : Getting the United States out of the United Nations (UN) and getting the UN out of the United States.
Against : The continued moral destruction of our society by the television and entertainment media.
For : Reducing the Tax Burden of the working American.
Against : The New World Order, Pornography, and Gun Control.
The Sword of 1611
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. John 17:17
Take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: [Ephesians 6:17]
No comment necessary. He just said it all.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, by Jonathan Safran Foer
Jonathan Safran Foer is an unjustly gifted author. He’s one of those writers that makes me want to eat paper; the kind that make me sense that my own writing couldn’t attain such heights, but that every word he wrote was meant directly for me. His style reminds me of a more publicly palatable (read: approachable) Milan Kundera.
Oddly, I began reading Everything is Illuminated after I watched the movie, because it was one of the rare films that hit me where I live – which is to say that I actually identified with very little in it, but that it managed to make me feel like it was mine. Or should have been.
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is another one of those. It’s a book that I wouldn’t think I’d like, based purely on its subject matter. But I adored Everything is Illuminated, so I gave it a shot. It was awfully wonderful. Of course, now it’s a movie, too.
Oscar Schell is a precocious nine year-old inventor, dealing with the loss of his father during the 9/11 tragedy. He searches for the lock that goes with a key he found among his father’s things, labeled only “Black.” Readers piggyback along as he meets everyone possible with the name Black, learning a little about all of their lives.
Foer masterfully blends the stories of two generations of the Schell family into one cohesive whole, alternating between first person scenes and wildly sweeping letters with an overabundance of commas written from people to whom words are the most valuable –yet priceless- thing. 
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is more than a story about 9/11; it’s a story about living through loss. It’s a story about searching. Don’t let the heavy subject matter dissuade you from cracking the cover. This book isn’t depressing. At a few points, it had me LOLing.
These 368 pages pack a powerfully evocative punch that imbues readers with a sense of hopefulness in loss. 4 stars.
For more of his work, check out the new television series pilot with Ben Stiller on HBO!
Non-fiction Book to Movie Ideas: Awful or Acceptable?
I’m voting awful. Granted, I tend to be a little harsh with my judgement, so maybe I should just lighten up, but I just saw the trailer for What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and I wanna slap the producer for reasons which I can’t even explain. In the interest of forthrightness, I must admit I haven’t seen any of these (and I probably never will), but I hear the title and it makes me cringe:
In honor of some changes coming to the blog, I'm shamelessly ripping off my friend's post. This Friday, look for the post first in a new series called "Friday Fanatics," in which I'll pick the scab years of accumulated ignorance off of the right-wing subculture. On Saturday, I'll give you something to repent of with a review of a steamy novella that author Elizabeth Brooks refers to as "gleefully smutty" in my Sinful Saturday series. Finally, on Monday, you can look for the first post in a comparative series titled "Book or Movie Monday." (Alliteration FTW!)
Dive!: Living off America’s Waste
Trash. It’s what’s for dinner. Or at least so says Jeremy Seifert in his film Dive.
As a germophobe, I was pretty grossed out during the entirety of the movie. But I was grossed out and fascinated. Dumpster diving to feed your family? Ew.
Turns out, the point the film made wasn’t about poverty, depression, or the bum subculture; it’s about waste. Why, in a nation of overproduction and overconsumption, would any conscientious part of society elect to throw away large quantities of unspoiled, unused food when there are so many hungry people in the world? I was surprised to learn that the culprit Seifert primarily focused on was Trader Joe’s – a company I’ve always considered to be health, community and environment friendly (to get in on the campaign to fix this glitch in their policy, mail a letter).
I walked away from the film with a new appreciation for salvaged goods, and for the people that are willing to go there. Cheers to Jeremy Seifert and his dumpster-diving cohorts. It’s a should-see for everyone.
To Train Up a Child: Michael and Debi Pearl’s Endorsement of Child Abuse
For some reason, people pay a lot of attention to terrible stuff. Reality television. Car crashes. The news. Mystery Science Theater 3000.
This book is easily the most reprehensible and disgusting book I have ever seen. EVER. So pay attention, people. Let me treat you to a few moments of shock and terror.
This may come as a surprise to you, but there’s a fairly high percentage of religious wackos in the US. And by “wackos,” I’m not referring to socially-conscious Christians like James Dobson that advocate bare-handed swats on a child’s bottom until they’re four or five. I’m referring to the foaming-at-the-mouth fundamentalists that bomb abortion clinics, wage “Holy War” (oxymoronic), and physically “train” infants by switching, slapping, biting, or otherwise harming them. If you find yourself in any of the categories mentioned in that last line, I’ve already insulted you enough; don’t stick around for me to rub salt in the wound.
The wackos I’m writing about today are Michael and Debi Pearl, of No Greater Joy Ministries, Inc. They’ve got a substantial following and many other family and child-rearing products available for purchase. Their only qualification to give child-rearing advice is that they have five children, all homeschooled, and grown up to go into ministry. Their helpful advice has been cited in several deaths, and they’ve been investigated, although not convicted.
Check out this quote from Jeff Hodson’s article in the Seattle Times:
Sean Paddock suffocated when he was wrapped too tightly in blankets.
Lydia Schatz died after being spanked for several hours.
And Hana Grace-Rose Williams, of Sedro-Woolley, was left out in the cold, where she died naked, face down in the mud.
The deaths of the three children occurred in different parts of the country — North Carolina, California and Washington — but each allegedly happened at the hands of their parents, all of whom were charged with murder.
The parents had several things in common: They adopted children, home-schooled them and lashed them with quarter-inch-diameter plastic tubes. They also used the child-rearing teachings of a Tennessee evangelist, Michael Pearl, and his wife, Debi.
The Pearls wrote “To Train Up a Child,” first published in 1994, and which teaches parents how to use a “switch” to make their children obey. Michael Pearl says it has sold more than 670,000 copies, been translated into a dozen languages and is popular with some Christians who home-school their children.
Normal people, go ahead and rubberneck:
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How did I find this monstrosity of a book, you ask? My mother, bless her, paid money for a copy of it because someone at our church gave this an endorsement. (Here’s where I get out my sign that says “Yes, I’m a cult survivor.”) So, anyway, I found this book kicking around the house. I was in high school at the time, but had younger siblings (a couple of them much younger), and I was a voracious reader. Once I cracked the cover, my mind was blown and I’ve never managed to forget it.
Fast forward a dozen years or so. I saw a copy of this book at a thrift shop and paid the fifty cent paperback price just so someone else didn’t buy it. Not being a book-burner (apart from a few of my old diaries), and not wanting it to fall into the hands of some dolt looking for religious justification to abuse kids, the wretched thing has sat on my shelf ever since. I shuffle it around and kind of hide it from myself, and then every now and then, I face it.
To Train Up A Child Table of Contents
Here are a few little gems from between the pages:
“One particularly painful experience of nursing mothers is the biting baby. My wife did not waste time finding a cure. When the baby bit, she pulled hair (an alternative has to be sought for baldheaded babies). Understand, the baby is not being punished, just conditioned. After two or three times of biting, with the accompanying head hurting, the child programs that information away for his own comfort. The biting habit is cured before it starts. This is not discipline. It is obedience training.” (Umm… maybe stop nursing when your kid sprouts teeth?)
“Never reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence. And, unless all else fails, don’t drag him to the place of cleansing. Part of his training is to come submissively. However, if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.”
“The parent holds in his hand (in the form of a little switch) the power to absolve the child of guilt, cleanse his soul, instruct his spirit, strengthen his resolve, and give him a fresh start through a confidence that all indebtedness is paid… A child properly and timely spanked is healed in the soul and restored to wholeness of spirit… A child can be turned back from the road to hell through proper spankings.”
“The fantasy arising from Barbie dolls causes a child to role-play a porno queen.”
If you’d like to make a dent in the war on abuse and ignorance, write comments, emails, and letters to the Pearls. Share info about this with your friend. Spread the word about this nonsense. If enough of us speak out, we can help churches realize that there’s nothing “Holy” about this book or its message. Maybe if enough of us banded together we could even convince Amazon to stop carrying the darn thing.
For a more rational Christian perspective on spanking, check out Christianity Today’s article, Thou Shalt Not Abuse.
A Sh*tty Post
I apologize in advance for the PG-13 nature of today’s post (if, indeed, a four-letter word constitutes a PG-13 rating nowadays). Anyway, if you’re under 13, stop reading now, since I can’t make this post password protected without eliminating most of my readers. (Sorry! If you’re under 13 and you’re going to read this anyway, keep quiet about it so your parent’s don’t hate me, k? Thanks.)
Today’s post features two works of sh*t. The first, a pop culture phenomenon gone New York Times bestseller, titled Sh*t My Dad Says, by Justin Halpern.
Made famous by a twitter feed of hysterical (and usually profane) dad-isms, the book gives more vignettes and anecdotes with back stories. It’s easy to read in a lazy morning (or evening), and it has a few moments that are touching, even to those of us that aren’t particularly close to our fathers. Seriously, it’s awesome. Just ask William Shatner.
(Or don’t, since the series didn’t make it.)
The second book will probably only appeal to fans of a crude Canadian comedy called Trailer Park Boys, and I stand proudly admitting that I think it’s hilarious. The Dicshitnary was released in a very limited edition and authored by the series’ Mr. Lahey (a.k.a. John Dunsworth). True to its name, it is indeed a dictionary of Sh*t.
If you enjoy the episode below, you’d probably get the Dicshitnary. If not, don’t bother.
How the Ladybug got her Spots
I wrote something cute. Really, really cute. And then my friend made it even cuter. See for yourself:
Once, in the leafy, green plants lived a small red and black bug that did not feel as special as all of her garden friends. Follow her through this charmingly illustrated, adorable tale that teaches how even the tiniest among us can be special.
Bethany Goossen is an amazingly talented artist that put in countless hours making every page absolutely perfect so we could publish this book. It’s available for the Kindle now at just 99 cents, with print copies coming soon, and more works to follow!
Note: Yes, it’s available on Europe and UK Amazon sites!
Retail Anarchy
If the idea of spending a long Saturday surfing slickdeals and coupon forums appeals to you, you can get a ton of stuff for free. Most of us know this, and are too lazy to put the amount of effort necessary into seemingly small gains. I spent a month or two working the drugstore systems (I <3 CVS and the like) and winning gift cards through SwagBucks before I got bored and moved on to things that I deemed to be more productive uses of my time.
Now, some folks find that awkward or just plain tacky. I used to be among that lot when I worked in retail myself. I really disliked it when bargain hunters would come in (especially when I worked on commission), and I steered well clear of them whenever possible, until one day I worked in a store that went out of business and we had to liquidate all of the merchandise and fixtures. I got some amazing bargains there, and I helped many other people get them as well. It was exciting to see families come in and buy things that they probably wouldn’t have purchased otherwise for their children. People’s eyes would light up when they’d come up to the register with their purchases. It was a free-for-all. Chaos reigned. But it was also a thing of beauty.
A few years later, I put in some time selling merchandise online for a charitable “thrift” store, and I was amazed at the family heirlooms that came in, unwanted by the families of deceased relatives, as well as the number of costly items that came in with tags attached, unworn, unwanted. When you’re faced with multiple floors of floor-to-ceiling cast-off stuff, you’re staring at our culture’s consumer mentality. As unfortunate as it sounds, a loss in one place balances itself with a gain somewhere else.
Retail Anarchy‘s author Sam Pocker (a self-titled economist) promises to make his readers both angry and delighted in the introduction of his book, and he makes a good point – in a rambling, chaotic style (for a visual sampling, check out his website), he pokes fun of our consumer culture that leads us to pay inflated prices for merchandise that we don’t really need to people that aren’t really offering us good service. He chooses to fight our warped retail system by manipulating it and teaching other people to do the same.
This is a book that’s best nibbled at instead of swallowed whole, since reading through it from start to finish does tend to lend an impression of being complained at by an elderly person. Don’t let the rant confuse you; Sam Pocker isn’t elderly. He’s merely gifted in the art of gripe. Example from the section entitled “How to Argue with a Cashier”:
The nihilistic and almost dictatorial manner in which corporations try to determine how you “will” and “want” and “need” to buy things and at a price that only exists because you, the consumer, let it exist.
Food for thought. Retail Anarchy is happening, people. It’s like the Rebel Alliance rising up against the Dark Side of the Big Box Stores. Or something.
