Category Archives: Friday Fanatics

Where is the Fun in Fundamentalism?

Perhaps some of you are familiar with fundamentalism’s take on homosexuality.

You may have seen Anderson Cooper’s report on Charles Worley’s insistence that our nation ought to put homosexuals in concentration camps:

Or heard  Sean Harris’ sermon on punching gay kids:

Or know about Steve Anderson’s “hate” for homosexuals.

The thing is, these wackos aren’t alone in their beliefs. There’s a whole subculture of people in our nation that don’t believe in equal rights for those that have alternative lifestyles. The good news is, the numbers are shifting- slightly. According to The Pew Forum, in the past 11 years Gay Marriage Opposition has diminished from 57% of the country to 44%. The bad news is, those numbers are still appalling. There also seems to be a correlation between denomination (or lack thereof) and opposition to legalizing gay marriage.

I’m not gay, but this issue still matters to me because the issue is human rights. Either marriage is a religious institution, in which case the government has no business recognizing it in the first place, or it’s a legal contract- in which case, discriminating against someone else that wants one is treading on dangerous territory.
Our government, perhaps contrary to popular opinion, is not Christian, even if the majority of the population of the nation claims to be. So, here’s the thing: how is this

any different than this


The only difference I can see is who is in the majority.

So when a privately owned business, such as Chic-Fil-A, makes contributions to groups that perpetuate the kind of hate portrayed in the images above  (see the Snopes story here), I have the right to spread that news around and refuse to eat there anymore. You have the right to tell me that you don’t give a crap, and go on supporting that if you wish.  Personally, I’ve been deleted by a cousin and friends that I have known for over 20 years  for posting about Chic-Fil-A’s contributions on my Facebook wall. Seriously, Christianity: shame on you. This stuff makes you look like you haven’t changed since the days of Inquisitions and witch hunts.

Paul is the one that was anti-Gay. Other than Paul’s writings, you’re stuck searching Old Testament law for anti-Gay stuff- and those condemn blended fabrics and many other things you’re probably in violation on.

Friday Fanatics. Meet Jack Fellure, the Presidential Nominee of the Prohibition Party (Yes, really.)

As I mentioned in a previous post, America hosts a sizable Radical Right subculture. This day’s posts will be solely dedicated to the bizarre religious nut-jobs that horrify and entertain the rest of us. Today’s post was found courtesy of Darrell Dow, the author of Stuff Fundies Like  (Stay tuned for an interview with him coming soon).

Behold,  I bring you Jack Fellure, Radical Extraordinaire – and Presidential Nominee of the Prohibition Party (Yes, it really exists). All you need to do to enjoy his crazy antics is to access his website here, or merely read below. Bear with me; he’s wordy, but the entertainment value is well worth the time.

The following text was all taken from his campaign website:

Why You Should Vote For Jack Fellure For President of the United States 2012

“My Presidential Campaign Platform is the Authorized 1611 King James Bible. God Almighty wrote that Book as the supreme constitution and absolute authority in the affairs of all men for all time and eternity. It shall never be necessary to change it.

Quality leather bound copies of this Bible have been sent to the Presidential Office, the Supreme Court, the Senate, the House of Representatives, the National Republican Party, the National Democratic Party, and the Federal Election Commission.

Should I be elected to the Presidency, this Bible will be open on the desk in the White House Oval Office to Psalm 33:12, “BLESSED IS THE NATION WHOSE GOD IS THE LORD”, and also to II Samuel 23:3, “HE THAT RULETH OVER MEN MUST BE JUST, RULING IN THE FEAR OF GOD”. It shall never be closed during my tenure. I will take the inauguration oath of office with my hand on my Bible opened to Deuteronomy 28.

God Almighty, the creator and Holy Sovereign of the universe, ordained only three institutions on earth; the family, the church, and the civil government. He wrote one Book (the Holy Bible) to govern all three, making them equally responsible to that one supreme book of law.

Every basic truth and fundamental philosophy required for proper survival here and hereafter is contained in the Holy Bible. IT’S THE GREATEST SINGLE BOOK EVER WRITTEN ON HUMAN GOVERNMENT, and upon its precepts our nation was conceived, born and nurtured to become the greatest nation in the history of the human race. WE ARE NOW REJECTING THAT BOOK AND THOSE PRECEPTS.

Therein lies the eternal cardinal truth of why our nation continues to decay and deteriorate, morally and physically. Every failed civilization in recorded history rejected God’s moral laws first, and then collapsed physically. God will allow ours to be no different. We as a nation will either return to the Bible for divine direction or continue our human self-destruction. God provides no other alternatives. All men shall ultimately stand before a high tribunal to be judged by God and His Book with no court of appeals ever.

I encourage everyone to RETAIN, USE, AND DISTRIBUTE MY WRITINGS AND POSITION PAPERS FROM THE PREVIOUS PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGNS (1988 to 2012). THEY ARE ALL AS APPLICABLE NOW AS BEFORE. I haven’t shifted positions or altered course one iota. I never intend to, so help me God.

Yours for a nation under the authority of Almighty God, Jack Fellure United States Presidential Candidate 2012”


For : A National Return to reading God’s Book, the Holy Bible. This includes teaching the true Christian history and heritage of our nation in the public schools. It also includes bringing voluntary prayer and Bible reading back into the public schools.

Against : Abortion, and especially paying for abortions with government funding.

For : Leaders whose decisions are governed by what’s right or wrong rather than what is politically expedient.

Against : The Liquor Industry which is a detriment to our nation. Alcohol is America’s number one drug problem.

For : Balancing the Federal Budget. The Government must quit spending more than its income.

Against : Continuing to permit criminals to go unpunished.

For : Making Homosexuality illegal. This will stop much of the AIDS plague.

Against : Allowing Anti-American organizations, such as the American Civil Liberties Union and the Communist Party to continue their destruction of this nation.

For : Making Prisons into places of punishment instead of leisure.

Against : Moving our jobs and industrial production to foreign nations.

For : Capital Punishment. God Almighty mandated it.

Against : Every movement, effort, and person that would remove God from our national currency and declarations.

For : Getting the United States out of the United Nations (UN) and getting the UN out of the United States.

Against : The continued moral destruction of our society by the television and entertainment media.

For : Reducing the Tax Burden of the working American.

Against : The New World Order, Pornography, and Gun Control.

The Sword of 1611

 Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. John 17:17

Take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: [Ephesians 6:17]

No comment necessary. He just said it all.

To Train Up a Child: Michael and Debi Pearl’s Endorsement of Child Abuse

For some reason, people pay a lot of attention to terrible stuff.  Reality television. Car crashes. The news.  Mystery Science Theater 3000.

This book is easily the most reprehensible and disgusting book I have ever seen. EVER. So pay attention, people. Let me treat you to a few moments of shock and terror.

This may come as a surprise to you, but there’s a fairly high percentage of religious wackos in the US. And by “wackos,” I’m not referring to socially-conscious Christians like James Dobson that advocate bare-handed swats on a child’s bottom until they’re four or five.  I’m referring to the foaming-at-the-mouth fundamentalists that bomb abortion clinics, wage “Holy War” (oxymoronic), and  physically “train”  infants by switching, slapping, biting, or otherwise harming them. If you find yourself in any of the categories mentioned in that last line, I’ve already insulted you enough; don’t stick around for me to rub salt in the wound.

The wackos I’m writing about today are Michael and Debi Pearl, of No Greater Joy Ministries, Inc. They’ve got a substantial following and many other family and child-rearing products available for purchase. Their only qualification to give child-rearing advice is that they have five children, all homeschooled, and grown up to go into ministry. Their helpful advice has been cited in several deaths, and they’ve been investigated, although not convicted.

Check out this quote from  Jeff Hodson’s article in the Seattle Times:

Sean Paddock suffocated when he was wrapped too tightly in blankets.

Lydia Schatz died after being spanked for several hours.

And Hana Grace-Rose Williams, of Sedro-Woolley, was left out in the cold, where she died naked, face down in the mud.

The deaths of the three children occurred in different parts of the country — North Carolina, California and Washington — but each allegedly happened at the hands of their parents, all of whom were charged with murder.

The parents had several things in common: They adopted children, home-schooled them and lashed them with quarter-inch-diameter plastic tubes. They also used the child-rearing teachings of a Tennessee evangelist, Michael Pearl, and his wife, Debi.

The Pearls wrote “To Train Up a Child,” first published in 1994, and which teaches parents how to use a “switch” to make their children obey. Michael Pearl says it has sold more than 670,000 copies, been translated into a dozen languages and is popular with some Christians who home-school their children.

Normal people,  go ahead and rubberneck:

How did I find this monstrosity of a book, you ask? My mother, bless her, paid money for a copy of it because someone at our church gave this an endorsement. (Here’s where I get out my sign that says “Yes, I’m a cult survivor.”) So, anyway, I found this book kicking around the house. I was in high school at the time, but had younger siblings (a couple of them much younger), and I was a voracious reader. Once I cracked the cover, my mind was blown and I’ve never managed to forget it.

Fast forward a dozen years or so.  I saw a copy of this book at a thrift shop and paid the fifty cent paperback price just so someone else didn’t buy it. Not being a book-burner (apart from a few of my old diaries), and not wanting it to fall into the hands of some dolt looking for religious justification to abuse kids, the wretched thing has sat on my shelf ever since. I shuffle it around and kind of hide it from myself, and then every now and then, I face it.

To Train Up A Child Table of Contents

Here are a few little gems from between the pages:

“One particularly painful experience of nursing mothers is the biting baby. My wife did not waste time finding a cure. When the baby bit, she pulled hair (an alternative has to be sought for baldheaded babies). Understand, the baby is not being punished, just conditioned. After two or three times of biting, with the accompanying head hurting, the child programs that information away for his own comfort. The biting habit is cured before it starts. This is not discipline. It is obedience training.”  (Umm… maybe stop nursing when your kid sprouts teeth?)

“Never reward delayed obedience by reversing the sentence. And, unless all else fails, don’t drag him to the place of cleansing. Part of his training is to come submissively. However, if you are just beginning to institute training on an already rebellious child, who runs from discipline and is too incoherent to listen, then use whatever force is necessary to bring him to bay. If you have to sit on him to spank him then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher, more patiently enduring and are unmoved by his wailing. Defeat him totally. Accept no conditions for surrender. No compromise. You are to rule over him as a benevolent sovereign. Your word is final.”

“The parent holds in his hand (in the form of a little switch) the power to absolve the child of guilt, cleanse his soul, instruct his spirit, strengthen his resolve, and give him a fresh start through a confidence that all indebtedness is paid… A child properly and timely spanked is healed in the soul and restored to wholeness of spirit… A child can be turned back from the road to hell through proper spankings.”

“The fantasy arising from Barbie dolls causes a child to role-play a porno queen.”

If you’d like to make a dent in the war on abuse and ignorance,  write comments,  emails, and letters to the Pearls. Share info about this with your friend. Spread the word about this nonsense. If enough of us speak out, we can help churches realize that there’s nothing “Holy” about this book or its message. Maybe if enough of us banded together we could even convince Amazon to stop carrying the darn thing.

For a more rational Christian perspective on spanking,  check out Christianity Today’s article, Thou Shalt Not Abuse.